Take me back to yesteryear

When did life get so complicated? When did things seem so difficult? Does anyone remember a time when our only care in the world was waking up on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons or even just what new lunchkit we wanted to bring to school at the beginning of the school year? Oh yes those were the good old days and then age happens. We get older. Our bones start creaking, schoolwork becomes a hassle and to add to our family life, our religious quest, our academic journey, we have to add the brawta of relationships. Oh relationships what a doozey!!! Now no one can be blamed. We can’t help ourselves. I mean we are only human and as humans we are beings of yearning and desire. We yearn fulfillment. We yearn completeness. We yearn that companionship that makes life worth living. We yearn for a better day and a better life. So what is all this ranting leading up to? (Dun dun dun!!!!!)….Top Dating Mistakes. I have decided to make this a two-part thing in my series of romantic tips and advice. (Again I do not claim to be an expert but hey this beats studying!!!) In any case let’s hop to it people!

Game Playing. Now I’ve had this discussion with my friends many times. The basic theory in this is the person who likes the other more loses and the one who is not as invested wins in the battle of power. So we play games to protect our ego’s or just to get what you want. Here’s what I say play it STRAIGHT people. Relationships shouldn’t be a competition, it should be a compromise. It shouldn’t be a survival of the fittest competition, that’s what we went through before the relationship. When it comes to dating, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, fears rejection of some sort, so it only makes you human if you do. Conclusion: It’s FINE to put your best foot forward, and also be a bit cautious, but have the courage to show who you are. You want someone who wants you for who YOU are!

Talking about your exes. Based on the nature of you relationship, things like this would come up eventually. So don’t bring it up, especially not in the initial stages of the relationship. The point is your exes are in the past for a reason so leave them there(unless it is your ex you’re trying to restart something with, which is a very tricky thing because if you haven’t sorted out the issues you had the first time around, they will still be there the second time therein. Word to the wise: BE CAUTIOUS!!!). Carrying old baggage into a new relationship amounts to clutter. So just try to get to know the person and have a chance for a fresh start sans the baggage.

3.Ignoring red flags. We all have them. Those little annoying things that make us say ‘No! Something is wrong here!’ If someone doesn’t show up when you’re supposed to meet, that’s a red flag. If you call them and they are always too busy to take your call, bingo, red flag. Some signals may be a bit more subtle and we may be tempted to overlook them, but whatever it is the red flag is telling you to slow down and take it easy. ‘Go easy!’ Now I’m not saying that people won’t have their character flaws, no one is perfect right? Nor am I saying you should condemned anyone to the pits based on their first mistake or when the first problem arises (unless it’s a big one then roast ’em, boil ’em and scorch ’em (eh Anna?). I mean pray for their souls may they see the error of their ways! (yes Sheree you are so right!)). What I am saying is to trust your instincts. An emerging pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under the rug. Address these problems early, and don’t waste your time.

4.Interrogating your date. Imagine this, it’s your first date and the trending conversation topic is: “How many children do you want? What’s your credit rating? So I did a background check on you and I found out a few things that I would like to clear up before we get married”. These are NEVER (I repeat NEVER!) good opening sentences, especially not on the first date. You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes, but not press someone for information. Let things evolve a bit, as you get to know someone. Patience and restraint are required here, even though you may feel pressed for time. Do your best to relax and have fun.

5.Fantasizing about the future. This is especially a problem for females. From a young age, we have been fantasing. Dreams of a fairytale ending and happily ever after. Mrs (so and so). This is cute when we are young and carefree, but it’s not cute after the third date. You need to remind yourself to slow down and enjoy the moment. Dating is to be a fun and enjoyable thing. Yes we have hopes that at the end of it we will start a relationship and end in full commitment, but until then we gots to live a little. As I always say (sing rather) ‘Someday soon my prince will come but until then I’m gonna have some fun. Gonna dance all night and frolic all day. Got to kiss some frogs before I find the one’. Well I don’t plan to kiss frogs, but you get the point. So until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don’t strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Well as usual I like to end my notes with a little inspirational quote so here goes…. 1 Corinthians 6 v 12 states, “Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. If we are not sure that our actions are permissible by God then maybe we shouldn’t even bother with it!” So in layman’s terms we all have gut instincts that tell us when the person we are considering is not right for us. Listen to yourself and make the right and best decisions for you. Have a great day. If you’re alive you already are. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Lonely Hearts Club!!!


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