Prisoner of Relationships Past

Blessings my fair people,

When it comes to relationships, I’ve realized that there are 2 ways that we can be prisoners of our past relationships which can affect our present ones. The first is to have such an amazing relationship that no one can measure up to the invisible stick we keep dangled in front of our other suitors and the other is the opposite dynamic and having a shrew of bad relationships that makes you question your taste in men. I’ve had the fortune or misfortune of having both. I have remained a constant prisoner of my relationships past for many years.

 

A prisoner of my own mind and heart. Having experienced the best of both worlds, I know what it is I want but in my pursuit of happiness I tend to get hurt and overwhelmed by the lack of forthcoming gentlemen to fit the mold I’ve shaped out. What is it that I truly want in a man? Emotionally? Spiritually? Physically? Intellectually? Beyond? I could write an essay on each topic but the simple truth I want someone to love me everlastingly, grow with me spiritually, be my intellectual equal or smarter and impart knowledge on me (and being my equal doesnt me he has to be versed in the same things I do but rather just be able to hold a great conversation), being there supporting and caring for me. I want to feel that earth-shattering, life-changing love I’ve felt before and I don’t think I will settle for less. And that’s where I remain a prisoner of a great relationship because it’s hard for me to picture other than what I’ve already experienced. This has also led me to my being a prisoner of other relationship experiences because since then I’ve been disappointed continuously by the others that have come.

 

My search for love complemented by my myriad of experiences seems to put me in these shackles and I can’t seem to break free. I want to live beyond the barriers I’ve placed and experience what life has to offer but my fear erodes me and I remain enslaved. This was my thought process until about last night (and admittingly I still think like that sometimes) but I watched a short film of a couple getting married and it dawned on me that maybe I’m not where I’m supposed to be indefinitely at the moment but that’s just fine because it’s where I need to be. If I don’t have bad experiences I can’t appreciate the wonderful ones and if I didn’t have the great experience I would never truly understand my capacity to love above myself and to be selfless in my efforts. So until my prince comes, I’ll be enjoying what God has planned for me presently.

 

Much Love,

The Kingstonian

 

I Should Be Engaged.

Duly Noted.

I want to be engaged this year. As of yesterday I’ve been on this earth for more than twenty-three years, and I think it’s about time for me to be engaged.

I’ve been asking people on my Home Team what one word they want to hold true for 2016, and when the question was finally reciprocated by my friend Sanford, I couldn’t come up with anything. I hadn’t found one that quite fit just yet.

I would  say seemingly meaningful words aloud to see if their meanings would hold any significance for what I want this next year to be.

I rustled up words like depth or rest or value and announced them to myself in the car or in the shower or on my walk to work. Nothing was clicking.

Until I drove to Joshua Tree yesterday morning, and that’s when a word so unexpected was whispered into the silence…

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The Best Lessons I Learned About Failing

As it gets closer to the end of the year, it becomes a time for reflection and examination. Looking back on the year that has passed and think about our goals, our plans, our successes, our failures and all the life changes that have occurred in 2015. For many of us, 2015 opened new doors and we are proud to say we accomplished most if not, all of our goals. But for the vast majority of resolution-makers, it became another year of failures, lost dreams, ruined plans and grave disappointments. Personally, 2015 was one of the most challenging and arduous years of my life. I failed many times over, was successful at a few and had many trials and tests of my persistence. However, in the end, there is one great gift that 2015 has given me and that was a great lesson in failure. And of all the lessons I’ve learned on failure, these are but the 3 I found to be the greatest help in my ability to push through and finish the year on a successful note.

1) Failure isn’t permanent.

As a child growing up, one of my absolute greatest fears was that of failure. If I got anything less than 90% on a test I thought my world was coming to an end. It became so crippling that if there was even the hint or possibility of failure, I would quit before I even began. Now this is a problem that is not exclusive to me. As children, we are often taught to fear failure and avoid mistakes. Our society preaches perfection from our looks to our careers and as a result, many of us are so afraid of failing in life, failing at our jobs, failing our families that we refuse to even try and accomplish that major goal that’s been weighted on our shoulders for years. We would rather play it safe, not take chances, not explore, not even stick our necks out to try. But what society never tells us is that you don’t often get it on the first try and that it often takes repeated efforts to get to success. Failure isn’t permanent. It’s a setback and NOT a full stop. It is a chance for growth and a lesson in what doesn’t work, so we can finally find the one thing that does. Failure is a means to an end, not the end itself.

2) Failure is a Lesson, Learn it.

There is a big misconception that all those wildly successful amongst us must have been born with an innate ability to succeed, or just exposed to the right people and the right opportunities that have made them successful. The idea that they have never failed in their lives and if you fail you are just not worthy of success. But this just isn’t true. There is nothing wrong with failing. All the great innovations and all the great accomplishments involve failure. Most persons identify failure as the opposite of success, but it truly isn’t. Failing is rather the path to success and merely a process in the journey. The true opposite of success is not trying.  How can you expect to get ahead by sitting on your behind? How can you expect to succeed if you don’t even try? As arguably the greatest basketball player of all time Michael Jordan says, “I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” Remember, every failure is a lesson and an opportunity to return better, stronger, smarter and more prepared than ever before.

3) Failure is growth.

You can read a thousand motivational articles, listen to a hundred key note addresses and read as many books on success that you can find but nothing will improve you, or bring you closer to success than failure. Embrace your failures and grow from them. Use them as the propeller to keep moving forward towards all your goals. All successes are built on failure so focus on improving what has succeeded in the past and build on it. And if you aren’t failing then you aren’t trying hard enough, you aren’t taking risks and you aren’t growing. With each failure you grow, you become bigger, you learn new and important things and you get one step closer to reaching your goals. Failing sucks. But it happens to all of us. And how you react to the events in your life will be the biggest determinant of who you are.

I leave you with this quote from Winston Churchill, “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

40 Important Milestones You Can Have In Your Life Besides Getting Married

Thought Catalog

JoaoleiteJoaoleite

1. Signing a lease for an apartment that’s completely yours – no parents, no siblings, no roommates, no boyfriend or girlfriend, just you. It doesn’t matter if it’s the smallest studio in existence, because it’s still yours.

2. Doing something that’s terrified you your entire life – it can be as drastic as skydiving or as seemingly low-key as signing up for an acting class. If it terrifies you, it’s a huge step to take.

3. Going through a painful breakup and refusing to let it drown you; instead, deciding to find growth and strength from it.

4. Asking for a raise when you know you deserve it, especially if you’re the one to bring it up.

5. Giving money – that you don’t have quite enough of yet – to people or causes that need it.

6. Discovering or rediscovering spirituality in your life, whether that’s through an…

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3 Unacceptable Reasons Why Women Settle In Relationships

Thought Catalog

Leo HidalgoLeo Hidalgo

Most girls dream of finding the One. The guy who will, just by a glance, send her stomach aflutter. The guy who makes her nervous when he first says hello. The guy who constantly invades her dreams. The guy who, stands by her—when her looks fade, when shit happens, and when she hits rock bottom.

Women are socialized to start dreaming of prince charming as teens. In her twenties, a woman’s search officially begins. In her thirties, the panic sets in. And if she hasn’t found the One by forty, it’s all over. BULLSHIT. It’s thinking like this that makes women choose unwisely and allows them to settle for less than they’re worth. Below are three main reasons why women tend to settle, relationship wise.

1. All her friends are getting hitched.

You’re at the wedding and there’s that moment you dread, the part when the bride tosses…

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9 Things All Couples Have To Remember Once They Fall In Love

Thought Catalog

Christian GonzalezChristian Gonzalez

1. Keep falling for each other. Act like you’re at the top of Rick’s Cafe on a cliff in Jamaica, nervously peeping over the edge, and jump off. Fall deeper and harder for each other every day. Live the best free-falling life with the person you love, until it ends—when that chapter closes, or somebody dies.

2. Make real plans with your partner, not the things society tells you to plan (e.g. your wedding, pregnancy, and home ownership). Screw society’s idea of what your life should look like, and those banks that approve high interest rate mortgages. Instead, plan a day trip or a road trip or decide to buck convention altogether. Focus on what you actually want as a couple, not what you’re supposed to want.

3. Eat healthy and take care of your bodies so you can live 50 more years with the person you…

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